


The Unofficially Official Most Handsome Man in Storybrooke

by miamoretti



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Charming - Freeform, Captain Hook | Killian Jones & Prince Charming | David Nolan Friendship, Fluff, Friendly Rivalry, Funny, Gen, Humor, Pregnant Emma Swan, captain charming bromance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miamoretti/pseuds/miamoretti
Summary: So, the prompt for this fic came about during a conversation with my dear friend Kristin last night. We were talking football, specifically about how the commentators of the 49ers-Texans game were very openly swooning over the hotness of our new quarterback for the 49ers (former NE Patriot Jimmy Garoppolo). They repeatedly brought it up throughout the game, even going so far as to do a “Handsome-Off” between him and Tom Brady. E-Network-style comparison clips of them running out of their respective tunnels and dreamy-soft-lit-close-ups of their faces included. It was borderline ridiculous and I loved it.K and I were highly amused by the swooning NFL commentators verbally drooling over Jimmy G. And then she had to go and plant the seed of:“Yo, why did I just picture Leroy and the dwarves staging a Handsome-Off for David and Killian?”And so this happened.And I regret nothing.(I’m also very proud because I managed to write a SHORT oneshot, instead of one that got way out of hand and ended up owning my ass at 10K words.)(This one is 1.5K. Hurrah!)P.s. it’s canon-compliant aside from the mention of Henry’s whereabouts. I fixed that to what it should have been. You’re welcome.





	The Unofficially Official Most Handsome Man in Storybrooke

They should have known Leroy was up to something. It had been conspicuously quiet in town for well over a week, without the usual ruckus he liked to cause. If he wasn’t mouthing off in the Rabbit Hole and instigating a bar fight, he’d probably be found staging some kind of protest over the grocery store charging for plastic bags or the bakery changing its flour supplier. If the town wasn’t in the midst of a curse, Leroy seemed to be more than willing to keep things lively week-to-week.

Which was why a week without any protests or bar fights had warning bells ringing for the current and former Deputy Sheriffs. With Emma now in her third trimester and under strict doctor’s orders not to over-exert herself (by jumping in to break up bar fights or disperse riotous, protesting dwarves, for example), David had stepped up to help Killian man the fort at the station.

The two men would often meet their wives for lunch at Granny’s, and catch them up on all the goings-on in town, but today they’d opted for a mid-morning coffee break as well, seeing as work truly was that slow. Walking into Granny’s, the two immediately picked up on the sudden beat of silence that descended, all eyes on them, before someone cleared their throat and the low buzz of conversations began again. Leroy, huddled over a piece of paper on the countertop with a gaggle of dwarves around him as they’d entered, was suddenly sat bolt upright and wore a decidedly uneasy expression. Killian and David exchanged glances and then both approached the counter, causing the dwarves to immediately disperse, leaving their red-faced leader to attempt nonchalance (and fail miserably).

“Leroy,” David greeted him, eyeing him with suspicion, “Everything alright here?”

“Fine! Just fine, y’Highness.”

He replied, much too quickly. But with his focus on David, he had failed to notice David’s pirate companion stealthily approaching on his other side, and before he even had chance to protest, Killian had snatched the piece of paper he’d been attempting to shield from them.

“Hmm. I believe it’s bad form to run a contest such as this without informing the participants, Dwarf.”

David narrowed his eyes in confusion, and Killian passed him the paper, chuckling as he watched a thunderous expression darken David’s features when his eyes scanned the words.

“A ‘Handsome-Off’. It was inevitable, don’t you think, boys?”

Granny piped up, appraising them over her glasses with a smirk on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes. David spluttered with indignation, apparently scandalized at the idea that Granny would be enabling (and even encouraging) such a contest.

“You can’t be serious.”

He grumbled, hands on his hips and the thunderous expression softening at the edges to one of weary bemusement.

“It’s a harmless contest. You’re only pissed because you’re trailing by three points, David.”

Ruby called out, smirking over her shoulder at them as she attempted to fix the eternally-broken coffee machine. Leroy choked on a laugh, but smothered it and tried to pass it off as a cough under David’s withering glare.

“Aye, mate,” Killian chuckled, “It’s _harmless_. And it would be interesting to see who the residents of Storybrooke deem to be the most dashing enforcer of the law...don’t you think?”

David’s glare was turned on Killian momentarily, until he rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Well, it’s not like you’re going to take any notice of me if I attempt to shut it down. And it’s apparently reducing the number of bar fights and pointless protests we have to break up each week...so fine. Do your silly contest, Leroy.”

The dwarf was clearly about to argue that the town protests were not pointless (though the grocery store was still charging for plastic bags, so the success of that protest was negligible) but he seemed to decide against it and at least had the decency to look chastened at the fact that his underhanded contest had been exposed.

David handed the paper back to him and he scarpered, his gaggle following close behind.

“You’re only letting this charade continue because you intend to win it, don’t you, Dave?”

Killian eyed his father-in-law and best-mate with amusement as he slid into the seat at the counter Leroy had vacated. David took the seat next to him, barely containing his smirk as he met Killian’s gaze.

“Oh, I _am_ going to win it, pirate.”

 

* * *

 // ~ //

* * *

 

 

“You can’t use the fact that you saved the lass’ cat from a tree to garner a vote for your face, mate.”

“You would have done exactly the same thing if you’d taken that call, and you know it.”

“At least I don’t have my wife reminding the women at her Mother & Toddler classes to vote for her husband!”

“Oh, don’t you think I didn’t catch Emma bargaining with Regina for her to vote for you!”

The bickering went on and on for well over a week. Emma and Snow took it all in good humor, until they too became quite invested in the contest. Apparently, they all had competitive streaks a mile wide, despite repeatedly reminded one another that they didn’t actually win anything at the end of it all ( _‘Except bragging rights for the rest of forever,’_ Emma had jokingly pointed out).

It was a Friday evening and, as per tradition, the Charming-Swan-Jones-Mills clan had assembled at Granny’s for dinner. It had become a tradition ever since things had quietened down in the town curse-wise, and it was something they all looked forward to each week now. Henry had moved to Boston for college the year before, but he often expressed how much he missed their Friday Family Nights, and in return they assured him his presence was most definitely missed too. But he visited during the holidays and those little family traditions became even more treasured then.

This particular Friday, the ‘Handsome-Off’ was, of course, the main topic of conversation. Regina repeatedly rolled her eyes at the whole debacle, and Granny promptly informed them that Leroy had managed to get every Storybrooke resident to vote now, and he and the dwarves were hard at work counting the votes. Regina rolled her eyes so hard that Emma warned her they’d probably roll right out of her head if she carried on. She rolled her eyes again.

David grinned smugly at Killian (or, as he’d taken to calling him, his _arch-rival_ ) across the table as he cut up his young son’s food, and Killian simply shook his head on a chuckle.

“I’ll admit I’ve enjoyed our rivalry this past week, but you should know that the only people I truly care for the opinion of on my dashing good looks is my beautiful wife and this wee pirate princess.”

With an arm around the back of Emma’s chair, Killian reached over and placed his hand on her belly, rubbing with gentle pressure that had their unborn daughter kicking in response. Emma smiled up at him with a small scoff, muttering something that sounded like _‘such a sap’_ and he simply grinned, pressing a tender kiss to her temple.

“Oh, _please_ . You’re only saying that because you _know_ I’ve clinched this thing.”

David snorted, and Snow elbowed him none-too-subtly in the ribs.

Their back-and-forth was brought to a halt when Leroy burst through the door of the diner in his trademark manner, voice two decibels above what was required for a small room. Or any room, really.

“The results are in!”

He boomed, waving an envelope above his head with gusto. Regina rolled her eyes.

“Well, come on then, Leroy. Put us all out of our misery.”

Granny called as she came out from behind the counter, wiping her hands on her apron and folding her arms. Expectant eyes were glued on Leroy then as he tore open the envelope with a little more fervor than was strictly necessarily. Emma bit back a laugh and rubbed her bump absently, while David held his breath and Killian leaned back in his chair with a serene expression of mild amusement.

“And the winner is…”

Leroy eyeballed each person in the room, silent seconds ticking by, and Snow covered her mouth to stifle a giggle at the ridiculousness of the build-up.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Give me that.”

Regina snapped, standing and grabbed the envelope from Leroy’s hands as he made an outraged sound of protest. Killian wondered if he’d be picketing outside the diner over this the next day.

“Killian won. There. Can we please go back to being _adults_ again now?”

David’s mouth dropped open and he gawped at Regina as though she’d just told him Granny had run out of lasagne. Emma was beaming, clearly thrilled that her husband was the Unofficially Official Most Handsome Man In Storybrooke. Snow initially clapped, until a scandalized glare from her husband had her smiling sheepishly and shrugging.

“I guess you might want to try and save more cats next time, mate.”

Killian chuckled, grinning smugly and quirking an eyebrow at his (probably former) best mate. David turned, red-faced, to Leroy.

“I want a recount!”

* * *

  _Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to blame Kristin for all of that. Oh, and all feedback is gratefully appreciated, always.


End file.
